We made it 50 Years!

She was from the city. I was from a small town.

She grew up in the deep south. I grew up in the midwest.

She has a photo of herself as a preschooler wearing a tutu in a dance class. I have a photo of myself as a preschooler in overalls with holes in the knees.

Her teenage summer job was working at a jewelry store downtown in her city. I worked on my uncle's remote farm/ranch.

She was a debutante. I didn't even know what a debutante was.

She graduated from high school in the top half of her class of 400 plus. I graduated in the middle of my class of 47.

She was in a sorority in college and had her tuition and housing paid. I lived in various dorms and apartments and had to work my way through much of college.

She graduated university with a 3.95 GPA. I graduated university with a GPA of...well, less than that.

She had dogs in the house and a cat that slept on her bed. I had a dog (but no cat!) that was never allowed in the house.

When we met, she was driving a new Olds Delta 88 her dad bought her. I was driving a 1967 Ford Fairlane I bought myself that was burning oil and blowing smoke.

She was/is outgoing and popular with a lot of friends. I was shy and reserved, with a few friends.

She came from a stable, intact home life. I came from a broken home.

This May we celebrate 50 years of marriage.

We met in Indiana the summer of 1973 after we both graduated from college, courted in Colorado the summer of '74, married in Mississippi and moved to Missouri in '75. Because of our jobs, our relationship during those days until our wedding was mostly long distance, consisting of letters and a weekly long distance phone call.

Since then we've lived in fives states, in many apartments and rental houses and our own homes.

Looking back we're amazed how two people from such different backgrounds even came together in the first place and then lasted this long. Ours has not been a perfect union, but it has been a great one. We had to learn to live together and adjust to each other's differences and preferences. I've let pets in the house; she's agreed not to have them sleep on the bed!

We've been through ups and downs, triumphs and tragedies, and we've continually grown closer over the years. We are each other's best friend. There is no one I would rather spend a day with.

Now, I realize we're not the only couple who made it to 50 years. We know and admire many who have and are still going strong. I'm also aware that through many unfortunate situations some marriages end, often unwanted on the part of one spouse. And divorce is not the death knell to a fulfilling life or a second chance.

But, I'm grateful that we have shared our 50 years when it didn't seem like we were the best candidates to have a successful life together. We ponder how we have we made it this long, not just co-existing but growing and thriving in our relationship. A few things come to mind.

A commitment to work through our stuff

Beginning our marriage we agreed to eliminate the "D" word from our vocabulary. No matter how tough it got or whatever we faced, we promised each other we would stay together. When you have a self imposed "no way out," you either work through the hard stuff or live in misery. The first option, though difficult, is the best, I can assure you.

We resolved to resolve conflict. Every relationship has arguments and disagreements. We've often told others that if you don't, one of you is probably not needed, or dead! The issue is not conflict, but rather what you do with conflict. Many times it wasn't easy and it took a lot of work, but we either eventually came to a resolution or moved forward in agreement to live with our disagreement. We've also had to learn to admit when we are wrong and to ask forgiveness. The statement is true: "A good marriage takes two good forgivers."

A weekly date

We prioritized making time for each other. We set a goal to have a weekly date beginning the year we were married, and we have tried to schedule regular get-aways. Sometimes we didn't have the money to "paint the town," and life circumstances often interrupted our routine, but for the most part we've kept our commitment. Some of the best dates we remember were $1.25 Saturday breakfasts in the late 1970's at John's Pancake House in east Dallas.

It wasn't just the special dates and get-aways, though. We've set aside time to read together, plan together, pray together, and just talk. These commitments haven't been accidental but intentional.

We decided and agreed upon our unique roles. Each of us brought strengths and weaknesses to our union and we gladly agreed on who did what for most things most of the time. We've had to adjust, of course, at different seasons as kids came along, jobs changed, cancer showed up and travel increased, but overall we've had an agreeable and mutually satisfying partnership in life.

It takes three to make a good marriage

By far, though, the most important thing we have done is to put God at the center of our marriage. The thing that I loved most about Sharon from the minute I met her was her passionate relationship to Christ. That has never waned through the years. I'm really glad that she has always loved Someone more than me. We have concluded that it takes three to make a great marriage. Two people centered on and following Jesus and his purposes and priorities has taught us to love and serve each other better. She was already serving Christ in the same campus ministry that I did when I met her, and it has been a joy to partner with her in serving Christ and his purposes in many places and different roles over our lifetime.

When I contemplated asking Sharon to marry me, I was scared to death. Since I had come from a divorced home and didn't have a model of what makes a good marriage, I didn't know how I could ever be the husband that would make it last. I was terrified of failure. I told the Lord, "If you don't show me/us how to do this, I have no hope of succeeding in this relationship."

So, we went into our marriage committed to following his plan and each of our roles in it. After all, he is the architect of marriage, so who knows better how to make it work? Ultimately, we can both attest that he is the only reason that we have had the relationship we've enjoyed for these 50 years. We didn't know at the time all that we were getting into, but we can verify that Jesus Christ is the reason we've made it through this half century.

On May 30, 1975, Sharon took a big risk because she believed Jesus could make all the difference and, for some reason, fell in love with me. I overcame my fear because I fell in love with her and also believed he could show us how to have the best life together. I am so grateful to her and to him.

It has been a great life, and I'm looking forward to rest of the days that he gives us together.

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P.S. The dog does sleep at the foot of our bed, but there still won't be any cats on it!