My Unwanted Friend

He came pounding on my door one evening

I opened and he barged right in

I said,

Stop, you are not invited

He ignored me

pushing past

scattering his stuff everywhere

turning on lights

banging around the place

Loud, boisterous

refusing to be ignored

I said to Grief

You are not welcome here

I want you to leave

He only laughed

and said, I’m here to stay

And so he has been

He intruded obnoxiously

in everything at first

He got in the way every time I moved

He followed close everywhere

hovering over my shoulder

even with friends and loved ones near

always whispering in my ear,

Don’t forget I’m here

And during quiet

he was loudest

I always sensed him pestering and watching

And trying to sleep?

Those were the times that he was most annoying

refusing to be quiet

He got his wish with me

I weep in his presence

I nurse my regrets

I stoke my yearning

for the days before he showed up

I try to get him out of mind

I stick him in the spare bedroom

and tell him not to come out

He ignores me

bursting out the door at the most inappropriate times

I try to shove him back in

but my efforts fail

He refuses to cooperate

He’s here to stay

I’ve resigned myself to that

But he’s not as loud

or intruding as at first

Though he still demands my attention

he’s become like a routine passing train’s

noise you become used to

and sometimes forget is there

And strange as it seems

—it makes no sense to say it—

I’ve almost gotten to the point that

I want to call him Friend

Like other pains and struggles

he has taught me to loosen my grip

on all that I think everything should be here now

He’s made me realize it never will be

I’m resigned to the fact that he’s here to stay

But I’m not

because he’ll be left behind

when I move out of here

to another place

my true home

And then I’ll wave goodbye forever

to Grief my unwanted friend

and all my tears will be wiped away